Before we get deeper into The Four Factors and applying them to your current and past relationships, it’s useful to first address some myths that can prevent you from being open to good relationships or cause you to stay too long in bad relationships.
I’M LOOKING FOR “THE ONE”
There are more than six billion people on earth and many of them are looking for someone just like you. If there were only one person out there for each of us, then mathematically very few of us would ever meet “the one.” Yet today, there are millions and millions of people who have found someone with which to have a healthy romantic relationship. This wouldn’t be the case if there were only one person out there for each of us.
Believing in “the one” can close you off to many possibilities, many of which may actually be a good fit for you. Furthermore, this line of thinking also causes you to create a threshold that is so high (and likely a checklist that is so long) that no one will pass it.
So get over it Sister (or Brother) – there are many many people out there with whom you could fall in love and have an amazing relationship.
I BELIEVE IN FATE
My friend Pam believes that she’ll have a flat tire and that Romeo will ride up and they’ll lock eyes and live happily ever after. It’s possible, but unlikely unless her Romeo drives a tow truck.
If you keep doing what you’ve been doing, you’re going to keep meeting the same type of people and keep getting the same type of results. You can use The Four Factors to see if the types of people you have been dating really are a good potential fit for you. Look for patterns with these people. Do you keep missing the mark with the same factor(s)?
If applying the Four Factors to your past relationships shows you that you’re not dating the right type of people, then you need to make a conscious change to put yourself in a place (emotionally and/or possibly even geographically) to meet this right type of person for you. And stop dreaming about the tow truck guy!
I NEED TO KNOW WHAT GUYS WANT
When I told my friend Annabelle about writing this book she said, “That’s great. You can speak about what guys really want.” It reminded me of those magazine articles that say “Learn what guys really want.” Those articles make me crazy.
I’ll tell you what guys (who are evolved enough so that you girls would want them) really want. They want a woman who knows what she wants and what she wants is compatible with what we want. End of story. Stop reading those magazines.