While I’ve hopefully made it clear that it’s not about good or bad or right or wrong, and that it is about finding someone who is a good fit, it’s important to know if you’re doing things that may be detrimental to your relationship goals. Specifically, there may be things that you’re doing that you could do differently without much fuss on your part to allow you to cast a wider net of potential romantic partners. Kissing is certainly one such example.
For most people the way we kiss is based on our romantic experiences and possibly other factors like the lip- locking techniques we saw used by soap opera star Susan Lucci. It’s not going to be that upsetting to make some adjustments to our kissing style if it would help us have a relationship with someone special and have a potentially more meaningful kissing experience. On the other hand, if your kissing technique has been handed down from generation to generation in your family and there’s no way you’re going to change it, then skip this section.
I think many of us consider kissing an art form. Here is a passage I received from a female friend via email about kissing:
“A good kisser knows that kissing is an intimate act and uses the kiss as non-verbal communication of the feelings. A good kisser never uses a kiss as a first step to get to sex... A good kisser enjoys every moment of the kissing as the destination itself.”
After surveying many friends about their kissing experiences, here is a humorous list of several common and generally undesirable kissing techniques. Odds are you’ve experience one or more of these smooching styles. I know I have.
Count Suckula: This kisser sucks on your tongue far too aggressively. Coincidentally as I was surveying friends for unusual kissing techniques, someone pointed me to a recent story about a woman whose eardrum burst due to an extra aggressive Count Suckula.
Lizard: As Nanette noted, this kisser repeatedly thrusts his tongue in and out of your mouth like a lizard. You’re not sure if he’s your boyfriend or a pet.
Dental Hygienist: This kisser runs his tongue over your teeth as if to clean them. It’s unclear whether you can bill this to your dental insurance.
Spelunker: This kisser pushes his tongue down your throat as if he is exploring your mouth like a cave.
Paramedic: This kisser opens his mouth too wide and covers your mouth as if to give you life-saving, mouth- to-mouth resuscitation. The only thing this smoocher should be trying to save is the relationship.